Resilience is often defined as the ability to bounce back from setbacks. Setbacks can be part of any activity we are involved in and if we can harness anxiety and stress constructively we can make better progress.
The problem starts already with the words setback and progress. I’ll start with progress, it suggests movement towards improvement or the advancement towards a better stage. If the starting point of whatever project is improvement rather than adjustment to a changing reality, we have already labelled our current activity as inadequate and we might be ignoring what we are doing well at the moment. Second, the word setback suggests passivity, that we are on the receiving end of someone else’s activity, rather than active participants. That in itself drains power from our decisions. Of course, there are many situations we cannot control, yet, how we respond will determine our psychological wellbeing.
So language is an important component in developing resilience. That was resource one.
Resource two is acknowledging and accepting that stress is a natural part of modern life and of many novel activities. We can engage in activities that reduce stress, such as mindful meditation, yet, unless we remove ourselves from modern life, I believe that some level of stress will remain. More and more psychologists consider stress, if kept in check, as a positive factor and as a good motivator.
Resource three, which for me is the most important one, is other people. Any programme that teaches people to become independent potentially drives people into false independent. What I mean by that is that if we are encouraged to work on our self-esteem without the support of others, we risk depleting our self-esteem rather than replenishing it – it is the encounter with other people that makes our lives significant. Self-esteem can only be sustainable as a function of successful activities and sustainable relationships. Feeling supported by others not only increases our self-esteem and self-confidence, it provides an environment in which we can bring about meaningful change. This is not about asking other people to take responsibility where ours is due, but about knowing that meaning is a result of interaction with other people.
After all, we are social beings and we depend on others for love, acceptance, food and above all for our survival. I see no reason why not seek love, appreciation, support and acceptance throughout our lives.
