Gestalt therapy offers a useful framework for working with couples, emphasising present-moment awareness, personal responsibility, and authentic contact between partners.
Present-centred awareness
One of Gestalt therapy’s core tenets is giving the present moment high priority. In couple therapy, this principle helps partners stay grounded in their current experience rather than rehashing old arguments. Couples are encouraged to notice what they’re feeling right now in the session—the tightness in their chest when their partner speaks, the impulse to interrupt, the warmth that arises during moments of connection, are some examples.
Authentic relating
Gestalt therapy emphasises genuine, direct contact between individuals. In couple work, this translates to helping partners truly see and be seen by each other. Rather than talking about their partner to the therapist, couples are encouraged to speak directly to each other, making eye contact and expressing themselves authentically. This direct engagement can cut through years of indirect communication patterns.
Personal responsibility
The Gestalt principle of taking ownership—using “I” statements and acknowledging one’s own feelings and choices—is transformative for couples. Instead of “You make me so angry,” partners learn to say “I feel angry when…” This subtle shift reduces defensiveness and opens space for understanding. Each partner learns they are responsible for their own emotional experience and responses.
Contact and withdrawal
Gestalt therapy recognises that healthy relationships involve rhythms of contact (engagement and intimacy) and withdrawal (personal space and autonomy). Many couples struggle because they haven’t negotiated these rhythms or because their needs differ. Understanding and acknowledging this natural cycle helps validate each partner’s need for both connection and independence.
Awareness of patterns
Gestalt therapy helps couples become aware of their habitual patterns. These might include pursuer-distancer dynamics, conflict avoidance, or repeated argument cycles. By bringing awareness to these patterns as they unfold in the therapy room, couples gain the power to interrupt and choose different responses.
Unfinished business
Couples often carry “unfinished business”—unresolved hurts, unexpressed feelings, or needs that were never articulated. The Gestalt method can help partners express what was left unsaid, complete emotional cycles, and move forwards unburdened by the past.
Experimentation
Rather than prescribing solutions, Gestalt therapists encourage experimentation. Couples might be invited to try new ways of communicating, to exaggerate a gesture to notice what emerges, or to role-play a different dynamic. This playful, experimental stance helps couples discover their own creative solutions rather than following a predetermined formula.
Integration
The beauty of Gestalt principles in couple therapy lies in their focus on authentic presence and genuine meeting. By cultivating awareness, encouraging direct contact, and supporting personal responsibility, these principles help couples move from entrenched patterns towards more conscious, satisfying ways of being together.