Practica Psychotherapy
Practica Psychotherapy
“For a self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living”. Virginia Woolf
You have known your partner/ wife/ husband/ friends for a long time and they are who they are, always have been and always will be – chances of them changing are slim. Or, maybe they do change and we just do not notice.
We tend to see ourselves as more flexible and cable of change than
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In his most celebrated book, the Prophet (1923), Kahlil Gibran wrote on marriage:
“And let the winds of the heavens dance between you”. “Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one
“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea”.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
This beautiful quote makes me think of how sometimes in couple therapy, in our attempt to help struggling couples, we focus on assigning tasks and work. Instead, learning to long for the depth of connection, we can make a paradigm shift from how can I get what I want to how can we get what
…In his essay “Of Vanity” the French philosopher, Montaigne, wrote “I know that the arms of friendship are long enough to reach from the one end of the world to the other”. Friendship, Montaigne believed, was the greatest pleasure available to us.
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In Antoine de Saint Exupery’s The Little Prince there is a dialogue between the little prince and a fox, which for me describes beautifully how a relationship is cultivated. Here is an excerpt, no extra words needed.
The little prince was lying on the grass crying when the fox appeared.
“Good morning,” said the fox.
“Good morning,” the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.
“I am right here,” the voice said, “under the apple tree.”
Please–tame me!” he
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Simone de Beauvoir said, ‘One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion.’ She was right in that other people make our life meaningful and
In the second century AD, the Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius, wrote to himself in his Meditations: it is your duty to stand straight- not held straight. Aurelius, a Stoic, believed that self-reliance, acceptance of what cannot be changed and clarity of thought to be of utmost importance and crucial to a fulfilling life. Much of his writing and the writing of other Stoics served the basis for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and other therapy approaches. Generally speaking, self-reliance to various degrees, has been the Holy Grail of many therapeutic approaches. Whilst self-reliance is believed to be a factor in developing resilience,
…In May I wrote that despite psychotherapy’s main aim to help people to become more aware of what they do and how they do it, there can be tendencies that if ignored may leave a person feeling isolated and impoverished and possibly feeling defeated.
Here is another one I want to flag up
Labels and diagnoses: Whilst the use of labels and diagnoses can be useful in giving meaning and direction, it is important to remember that they are man-made and as such they are non-natural. There is no objective truth when it comes to human behaviour, we are complex and creative. It
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Emotions seem to stir within us without much warning; some are easier to recognise than others – especially the ones that are more socially acceptable. We often try to extend those we perceive to be pleasant and avoid the disturbing ones. Wanting to avoid certain emotions has to do more with misunderstanding our relationship with emotions rather than the emotions themselves. Psychologists themselves can add to the confusion by dividing
One of psychotherapy’s aims is to help people to become more aware of how and why they do what they do and potentially offer additional ways of engaging with others and improving the quality of a person’s life.
Psychotherapy can make a significant difference when it incorporates into the work natural change processes such as education, friendships, family relationships, commitments and community life.
I find these conditions to be fundamental in shaping who we are and
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